My partner cheated on me and I just don't know if I can get past it? He says he's sorry!
Dear Anonymous, firstly…
I am very sorry you are going through this, and I am here for you…..
In the instance that you and your current partner have had these issues where the trust had been broken in your own situation or for the wider audience where something had happened.
I am not going to lie, it DOES take WORK to repair that… We all have our moments, we all have our fights, we all break trust in some way at some point or another because we each uphold our own personal expectations and those of other people. Often others don’t even know they are being held to a standard they are supposed to up hold or had even been made aware of what those exppactions are….
Although in a lot of situations, this is just one expectation we expect one another to uphold.
If you both want to repair trust then you BOTH need to be in it, you BOTH need to be committed. Not ohhh fine, I got busted what do I need to do, let’s say yes to avoid the fight and the noise? You both need to be in this, you both need to be committed and honestly you need to have all card on the table.
This where I have been, this is what happened, this is what lead to that moment, this is how I felt, what put me there and what I have felt since.
Well, this is how I felt, how it hurt, what I had been feeling and what lead me to those points..
You need to be very prepared to have some very open, honest and real conversations that may dive much deeper than the surface level problem that came to the surface.
You can seek help in doing this, sessions with a relationship coach like myself, seeing a licensed marriage, or family councillor, having some type of mediation, or simply doing it in a way that feels safe.
Safe space, safe sounds, slowly, with love, not angst, leaving the anger and who did what’s at the door coming together for the same soul focus of getting it out, working it out and repairing it.
But either way you need to leave the angst, the hate, the resentment at the door, you need to come into this space with love, care and compassion for one another.. You need to be ready to listen, to cry, even to laugh, to love, you need to be ready to hear some really hard things, you need to be ready to recognise somethings about your self and you both need to be there, with the same genuine goal and purpose in mind to come out together and stronger on the other side.
If you aren’t on the same page in this, or it’s not geniuine this is not something you can force.
Maybe the relationship isn’t right for you, maybe you aren’t right for each other, maybe this style fo relationship just isn’t what you are seeking. Maybe what you thought you each wanted, wasn’t really what you wanted, or what you were really committed too.
One way or another you will come out of this stronger, EVENTUALLY, even if it doesn’t feel that way now.
Alone, or together, everything happens for a reason, we have lessons to learn and one day thing will align exactly as they were meant to and you will be able to look back and go AH… That’s why. Until then you just need to listen… To yourself how you feel, what you feel and what you want but also to your partner, let them be, listen to them, what they truely want and desire with their hearts purpose… Not just what they are saying in a moment to curb emotions or sweep a situation under the rug.