True! Well somewhat you are right, of course there are exceptions to the rule but in a lot of circumstances we see men in relationships wanting to have to say and often express as little as possible to get the point across, and women feeling like they are really “trying” to get their point across and often not being heard.
Some people even find it easier to write, where some can text, or talk….
Some feel vulnerable, some confident, some threatened by just speaking.
Everyone and every relationship is different, but this is not an uncommon theme.
Often don’t want to express their feelings, cause a fuss, start something, don’t want to have to explain themselves…
Get frustrated with the push to open up or say more.
In response to this women can feel like you are closed off, un interested, not trying, not feeling, not getting their point.
Often wanting to feel heard, seen and listened too, say more, they try to get their point across, they try to back it up with more points… They want you to hear them…
In response to this often leaving the man feeling like he is doing work, he’s overwhelmed, its just too much, it’s actually just too hard to keep track, he is hearing, he just doesn’t need to respond in the same way..
Is he wrong? NO.
The problem is we are just not communicating to each other in the way that we can hear… We are not speaking the same language, and we need to take the time and energy to learn each others language and come together in that.
Most of the time what we forget is that we all communicate in different ways and that is okay… The start of a relationship is a great place for ground work and opening that up, what are the actual expectations for communication? How does that look when things get touch? What do I need to feel heard, loved, cared for? Often we just by pass all of that and get years down the tracking WHY THE FUCK AREN’T THEY HEARING ME? WHY DONT THEY GIVE A SHIT?
Well they might not… But more than likely - they are hearing you in their way, they are taking it in in their way, they are responding in the way they can best communicate.
With communication it’s one of those things where you DO need to meet each other in the middle, how do we communicate? What are the expectations for communication? What do I need to feel heard? How do I feel like my feelings are being acknowledged? Am I being considered?
Instead of looking at your partner and thinking why aren’t they hearing me, take a step back, think about the way they are communicating with you, this is likely the same style of communication they need to feel heard, acknowledged, respected in their feelings..
Often the way we APPROACH communication, is the way we want to be communicated too, it’s what makes us feel safe, heard, loved, understood…
So instead of thinking we are communicating differently, I am not being heard, they dont under stand me, let’s step back…. Pause, and come back together gently considering what we know of one another & what things we may need to do in order to be and feel heard, or acknowledged. How can I speak to my partner in the way they would speak to me? In the way they HEAR and can understand?
How does your partner communicate to you…. How can you meet them in that… How can they meet you? How can this better allow you to hear, and feel one another?
PS. See how I wrote this like a typical women alllllll long winded, but with plenty of point ;)