I remember the moment close to 5 years ago where I gained the AWARENESS that changed my life, the way I think, the way I feel, & the way I react for the most part.
I was at a time in my life where I was ridiculously unhappy feeling stuck in a relationship with someone who didn’t give a shit about me, my best interests, my feelings, my thoughts… I didn’t quite know how to end it, or how to get away, I just knew I didn’t want to be there….
This wasn’t right for me….
This wasn’t right for my kids..
This wasn’t the life we deserved…
I remember the moments of strength where I would really just try to bury it all & do what I could for my family just hoping that it would be enough, but also wondering… Why does this person actually just hate me so much? Like WTF? Am I really that bad?
Then I took some time out for my self, for no body else and broke away, I went to Bali and attended a personal development event, one that I still maintain has changed my entire outlook on life..
There I gained a sence of awareness, I realised that my reactions are my responsilbity, my thoughts are my responsibility, what I choose to do, feel accept, tolerate… Is my responsibility,… But someone elses behaviour is not… I learnt a lot…. Much of which I cary, in lessons, & reactions but I can not put into words, I remember it all in moments where it hits me… But the biggest key point I have always remembered is; someone else’s reactions, anger, hatred, feeling - is not me! It’s not because of me, it’s not because of something I have said, or done… It’s a reaction inside of them based on their own thoughts and feelings…. It’s an outward portrayal of they’re internal mirroring and feeling..
I was able to walk away from this event not thinking Why the fuck does this person just hate me so much? Why am I even here….. To going wow, that person is feeling something intense… & it has NOTHING to do with me…. I can’t carry that, I can’t take that on, I can’t feel responsible for what is inside someone else, especially when it coming out in an unhealthy way that feels like an attack.
Note; I do think if you are just an asshole, you can expect a reaction!! It’s life this happens, but if we just live with authenticity can kindness, with truth whether or not that truth presses someone else’s buttons, that is all we can do
We SHOULD be the truest, most authentic versions of our selves if we can cary that with genuine care and compassion for the world..
& we shouldn’t treat each other like assholes, even IF we are dealing with something inside, even if we are triggered, hurt, or wounded.
& we SHOULDN’T offer so much up to anyone else’s reactions, thoughts, emotions, we can offer love, and support, but they are not ours, and we do not need to carry them…. We do not need to take that on, and give it energy, & space within ourselves & allow that to have some type of affect on how we live our own lives, and how we feel about ourselves.