Dear Anonymous-
Well, if you ask me, being a parent with kids is a LOT like been a teenager!!
As a single parent with kids even more so- your options are either “Ask” to go out (because you need someone to watch the kids, just like you would have had to ask your parents if you were allowed to go out as a teenager), OR sneak someone in through the bedroom window while everyone else is asleep……
But with a house full of kids trying to maintain a healthy relationship and sex life; that is a great question & there are certainly some things you can do!
One thing to remember in a long term relationship is that often we have sooooo many other things going on that we tend to let some things slide, for a lot of couples sex life and devoted connection to one another is often one of those things…. People around, frustrating day, working, washing, cleaning, kids, noise, mess, just need some space, not in the mood, just generally tired after life and the day to day…. In those moments we often forget that surrendering to the lust between us and a partner can actually just help all of that fade away and help us feel even better by releasing all of those hormones and emotions being intimate with a partner does.
We often think we know our partners so well that we know what they are thinking, what they want, & how they feel, that we actually tend not to pay so much attention, we don’t listen so deeply, and once this happens both partners can begin to feel unappreciated, un-heard, not understood… Which in turn just makes maintaining that healthy relationship and sex life even harder.
Feeling loved, heard, well connected, desired by our partner we always feel better….
So…. Set time aside. It’s healthy to have a date night, right? So plan that time together into the schedule, we plan movies, parties, appointments, date nights, so why not plan a little alone time too?! Factor it in, it’s important!! Allow time for it, make it a priority. Not just for the act it’s self, but to actually sit down, talk it out, plan it out and make sure you have a commitment in place personally and with each other that this is one part that is just not going to faulter.. If you are a sensual soul thinking, well that’s all good but I can’t just go cool, it’s on the calendar so WAM- here we go. Then have this conversation with your partner, as well as just setting time aside, think about all of those things that set the mood for you both, what are they? Sounds, smells, feels, affection? The way your partner speaks to you? What can your partner do, what can you do for your partner? What makes each of you feel loved, appreciated, desired, wanted…. Get on the same page, know when D day is and ensure you’re both on the same page about creating that moment ahead of time. Enhancing that connection. Setting this up and having you and your partner both involved in setting the scene leading up to your moment, will also allow you both to see how you partner listens, feels and appreciates you. Enhancing that connection even further.
As well as this, get it when you can and don’t over think it!
Moments together can be perfect, even when they are short lived or unexpected, so take those moments as a chance to create a small piece of perfection rather than waiting out for the perfect moment..
Also - remember your teenage years, remember the beginning - you know those moments where nothing else really matters, who was around, where it was, when we did it last. Recapture that! Recapture the fun! Recapture the Desire! Try it somewhere a little different, be a little sneaky, get creative, make it fun!
If you can do all of these steps you will find yourselves unable to keep your hands off each other wanting more and more, being able to give each other that look again and feeling that love, care and affection & knowing that it’s about to be ON!
It can be hard to get back into the rhythm, but once you’re capture it, remember to keep it, to cherish it and to grow on it rather than always waiting out for that perfect moment or letting the day to day get in the way.
xx
